People in love make me want to vomit
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize