it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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