We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
