I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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