We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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