Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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