So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize