My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
