He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
