And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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