Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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