My cat gives me a boner
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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