the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize