My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you made out with another girl for some wings
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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