There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
