they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
