it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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