woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
