I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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