If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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