Your mouth is God's brothel.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
