too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
