ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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