even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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