Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
