how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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