So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
