how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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