Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
