I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
