"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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