Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
