If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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