Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
as a side note pls kill me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
