Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Of course I have a pirate flag
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
