we have pet lesbian snakes
Buhtt sex?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
