I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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