I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
