I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
