my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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