Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
