just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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