Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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