my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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