He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
