Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
