You're completely useless in the revolution.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize