The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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