i need an iv and a liver transplant
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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