I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The best revenge is premature balding
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
