I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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