Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My underwear smells like fireworks.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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