I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
