he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
