i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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