Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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