I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
