can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
