If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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