It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
