I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize