I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
