The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish you could order shots online.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize