Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You ruined the universe
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
