can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
