**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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