have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Randomize
