i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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