You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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