in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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