three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize