Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
