just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
